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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25905133">I'm Not An Idiot (But I Think You Are)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Nin/pseuds/Scarlet_Nin'>Scarlet_Nin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tua Tumblr stories [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brotherly Love, Gen, Hurt Diego Hargreeves, Kid Fic, Luther doesn't know what a good disguise is and neither does Diego apparently, Mentioning of the creepy wall drawings on Klaus' bedroom walls, Minor Injuries, Sibling Bonding, They're 12-13 year olds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:54:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25905133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Nin/pseuds/Scarlet_Nin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“There’s nothing to tell.”</p><p>“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Klaus blocks his attempt of walking past by throwing an arm out and moving into his way. “Is it embarrassing?”</p><p>“Go away, Klaus,” Diego groans, rubbing at his forehead. Christ, where’s a scary ghost when he needs one? Though, he immediately feels a bit bad for the thought as soon as it crosses his mind.</p><p>“Not until you tell me.”</p><p>“Be annoying somewhere else.”</p><p>“Tell me, tell me, tell meee,” Klaus whines. “Did you fight with Luther again?”</p><p>“No.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tua Tumblr stories [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>320</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm Not An Idiot (But I Think You Are)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Out of all people in the house, of course, it had to be Klaus who found him.</p><p>Anybody else would’ve been better. Hell, he’d rather have Luther here than Four, because Number One was obvious and somewhat dense enough to fool when one knew how to push his buttons correctly, something Diego couldn’t resist on a good day, let alone a bad one.</p><p>But no. It had to be Klaus, who even with his head lost in the clouds, could see through a lie with little to no effort. Diego’s half-convinced his brother’s secondary power is a bullshit radar. There’s no other explanation for the way that cloudy, glassy green gaze would sharpen and clear up from the fog of weed in the blink of an eye.</p><p>A bit creepy for Diego’s tastes, but he guessed that was a buy-one-get-one-for-free kinda deal with Klaus’ powers. Seeing the dead couldn’t be sunshine and rainbows. At least, he stopped writing all over his walls like Five with his disturbing poems.</p><p>Another reason those two got along. The only person to ever catch Five in a lie aside from their Dad, who thankfully was currently absent and, on a trip, far away from their house—had been Four.</p><p>Five hadn’t even gotten mad about being caught. The weirdo seemed oddly pleased. At least, Diego didn’t have to worry about running into him nowadays, since he rarely left his room.</p><p>Small mercies, he supposes, do happen occasionally.</p><p>“What’s up with the sunglasses?”</p><p>Diego shrugs. “They block out the light.”</p><p>Klaus blinks. “But we’re inside the house.” He glances pointedly upwards at ceiling. “There’s no sun in here.” There’s the faint smell of herbals and smoke lingering in the air as Klaus steps closer.</p><p>Resisting the urge to step back, he’s not going to give up ground, Diego crosses his arms.</p><p>“I got a headache and the light’s stings like a bitch in my eyes. Got a problem with that?”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Klaus hums agreeably, wrinkling his nose. “Did you tell Mom about your headache?” He emphasizes the last word with bunny ears, a grin forming on his lips.</p><p>“No,” Diego says, too quickly, too defensively. “I don’t wanna worry her. It’s nothing.”</p><p>“Au contraire!” Klaus sing-songs, taking another step forward. “There’s something you’re not telling me. C’mon, give me the gossip and I promise I won’t laugh at you.”</p><p>For all that he’s basically a second lie detector, Klaus lies an awful lot himself. Takes on to know one, Diego guesses, shaking his head.</p><p>“There’s nothing to tell.”</p><p>“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Klaus blocks his attempt of walking past by throwing an arm out and moving into his way. “Is it embarrassing?”</p><p>“Go away, Klaus,” Diego groans, rubbing at his forehead. Christ, where’s a scary ghost when he needs one? Though, he immediately feels a bit bad for the thought as soon as it crosses his mind.</p><p>“Not until you tell me.”</p><p>“Be annoying somewhere else.”</p><p>“Tell me, tell me, tell meee,” Klaus whines. “Did you fight with Luther again?”</p><p>“<em>No</em>.”</p><p>Klaus falters at that, squinting at him. Diego waits in silence, refusing to fidget under the heavy stare. Silence never meant anything good with his brother. After a minute, Klaus straightens up, no longer slouching as a frown finds a way onto his face.</p><p>Oh, shit.</p><p>“You know, that’s a very nice pair of gloves you’ve got on your hands,” he says, nonchalantly if it weren’t for the narrowing of his eyes. “Leather, that’s so kinky, Diego. Very you. Now, wanna fess up and tell me what trouble you got yourself into or should I bother Mom into checking up on you?”</p><p>Diego bristles, “Klaus, don’t you dare—“</p><p>His brother response by taking in a deep breath, opening his mouth most likely to scream the house deaf. Darting forward, Diego presses a hand over his mouth, shushing him quickly.</p><p>“Alright, alright!” He hisses, glancing around the empty hallway. “You win, okay? Shout for Mom and I’ll toss you out the window, got it?”</p><p>He pulls his hand back, wincing at the wetness on his gloves. “Gross, man.”</p><p>“Says the guy who eats raw eggs for breakfast.” Klaus shudders before reaching out to grab Diego’s hand. “Let’s go to my room.” He starts dragging Diego down the hall, ignoring the protests.</p><p>“Why yours?”</p><p>“Because nobody dares to come in without knocking. Not after Luther accidently caught me changing into a near pair of clothes last week, remember?”</p><p>Oh, he does. Luther’s horrified yell could have been heard from Five’s room. It had taken him three days to look Klaus in the eye again.</p><p>Needless to say, when Klaus actually closes his door for once, nobody dares to open it. An understandable sentiment. People don’t open pandora’s box either.</p><p>Diego doesn’t resist as Klaus pushes him into his room, kicking the door close. He gets shoved to sit down on the bed and Klaus’ hands gently remove his sunglasses without permission.</p><p>“Hey—”</p><p>Klaus’ whistle cuts him off. “Woah, that’s a nice shiner there, Dee. Wanna tell me who gave it to you?”</p><p>“Why?” Diego snorts. “You’re gonna beat them up for me?” He gives Klaus a critical once over, dragging his gaze up and down with a smirk on his face.</p><p>“No.” Klaus slaps him on the shoulder, huffing out an annoyed sigh. “My face’s too nice to end up like yours. Doesn’t mean I can’t scare them by telling them their dead granny hangs around to haunt them or something.”</p><p>Oh. Coming from Klaus, who hates using his powers, that’s weirdly touching. Swallowing past the forming lump in his throat, Diego lets Klaus take his hands into his own, gently tugging them off to inspect the bruised, bloody knuckles underneath.</p><p>“You’re sure you don’t want Mom to take a look at you?”</p><p>Diego gives him a sullen glare. “N-n-o. Don’t tell anybody. N-not even Allison. She’ll tell Luther.”</p><p>There’s a moment where Klaus simply looks at him. Open and face blank while his fingers curl around Diego’s own. He breaks the eye-contact first and when he speaks up, he doesn’t mention the stutter coming back to haunt Diego.</p><p>“Okay,” he says, taking a step back. “Hang on for a hot second and don’t run off just yet.”</p><p>Diego nods, watching him turn towards his desk. He opens the drawers, searching for something, slamming them shut with his knee after finding whatever he needs and setting that down on his desk. He leaves the room, coming back as quick as he left with a wet towel in his hand and pulls his desk chair over before sitting down.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“Patching you up, what else?”</p><p>Diego’s brows furrow while Klaus gently rubs the blood off his knuckles. “I don’t need help.”</p><p>“You’re getting it anyway.” Klaus tosses the cloth onto his desk after he’s done. “I’m gonna wrap up your hands and you can keep the gloves, since they actually are kinda cool, but the glasses need to go.”</p><p>“No way,” Diego says, firmly. Without them his black eye would be visible for all to see. Mom would see and he couldn’t stand her smile dimming when she caught sight of it.</p><p>Klaus groans, finishing up wrapping his hands before turning to grab the things from his desk. “That’s what’s concealer’s for, idiot.” He shakes the tube in front of Diego’s face.</p><p>“I’m not going to wear make-up!” Diego attempts to sit up only for Klaus to push him back down. “That’s for girls!”</p><p>“And for boys!” Klaus grabs his chin roughly. “Especially for dumbass boys who sneak out when their Dad’s are away and then get their ass handed to them. Now, hold still and let me show you how to cover up bruises without looking like an idiot.”</p><p>Grumbling under his breath, Diego goes still.</p><p>The edge to Klaus’ voice doesn’t match his hands, who are gently applying and blending in the cream around his eye. When he turns to the brush, Diego tenses, holding back a grimace, but the pressure is soft enough on his skin he barely feels a thing.</p><p>After what feels like forever, Klaus pulls back, hands on his hips and nods. He pulls out a hand-mirror from his desk, practically shoving it into Diego’s face.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>Diego startles, fingers coming up to brush against seemingly unmarred skin only for a hand to swat away his own. The bruise is noticeable still, but nowhere near as glaringly obvious as before. If one didn’t know where to look Diego might go as far as to say they wouldn’t even notice he got a fist to the eye at all.</p><p>He doesn’t look like a girl and guilt begins to fester.</p><p>Handing the mirror back to Klaus, he scratches at the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he mumbles while Klaus puts his things away.</p><p>“Yeah, you should be.” Klaus pouts, the sharpness draining from his eyes, leaving them soft and warm instead of hurt and cold. “Sneaking out without me, how could you? I thought what we had was special, Diego!”</p><p>“As if you didn’t sneak out every time you thought you could get away with it.”</p><p>“I did get away with it.” Klaus is quick to correct, grinning like the cat who got the cream and the mouse. “Mostly, anyway. Next time you go out you have to promise me to take me along for the ride. That’s my payment for helping you out. I’ll even be the lookout!”</p><p>Seeing the eager twinkle in his brother’s eyes, Diego couldn’t help but agree.</p><p>“Sure, why not.”</p><p>“Great! Do remember if we run into trouble, you’re deaf and I only speak German.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Diego: What do you mean running around in black leather all day with a knife harness isn't a good outfit to wear?<br/>Luther, nods, dressed into his overcoat: I don't see the problem either.<br/>Five, clad in school uniform: Yeah, we're totally unrecogniable.<br/>Klaus: ...You can't wear the same freaking outfit every day of the week!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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